Years ago, when I was in high school, I worked for a Target store not far from my home. I was very happy to have found this job at the age of 16 because it meant that I didn’t have to work fast food again.

I was with them for almost two years and worked hard to get crossed trained in different departments because it meant raises. I started as a cart boy, moved to cashier, customer service, soft-lines, hard-lines… you get the idea.

What stands out more than anything of all my memories there was the store manager. To give you an idea of how much I respected this man, I won’t tell you his name but instead just give you his initials… Doug Flackman.

The expectation with Doug Flackman was that he was called “Mr. Flackman.” Even the assistant managers were afraid to call him by his first name. He demanded respect by fear. As a result, I called him Doug. When I was with him, I still had a healthy fear that I didn’t want to lose my job so I just didn’t call him by name at all.

I thought it was funny when I was around the other managers and called him Doug that there was a bit of fear in their tone when they corrected me and tried to get me to be more formal in how I addressed him.

I was thinking a bit about this today because of a tweet by @SimonSinek. He said:

No amount of authority can demand respect. Respect must be earned. And no leader can lead without first being respected

I remember, even as a 16 year old, that I wasn’t going to give anyone respect because it was demanded. The title of Mr. in this case was a demand of respect.

Respect goes both ways.

If you respect your children, they will respect you.

If you respect your friends, they will respect you.

If you respect your employees, they will respect you.

If you respect your customers, they will respect you.

So, “Mr.” Flackman, where ever you are, thank you for those two wonderful years. You’ve given me a story to share for 20 years now about how not to be.